postingan setelah sekian lama dan pilihan hidup

yoooo maaann~
balik lagi bersama saya ruchii yamashita disinii~
*dilempar tomat gegara lama nggak posting

yaa mangaap. kemaren2 entah kenapa gw labil banget rasanya.. kata2 susah banget keluar lewat tulisan. and, just let you know, gw berkali2 mencoba nulis entri. tapi gagal wae. yah, gegara kata2nya gak bisa dijadikan sebuah tulisan yang nyambung.

well. banyak hal terjadi selama gw gak nulis blog. =w=
salah satunya adalah kehidupan romance gw yang berkembang :D

setelah dibrengsekin *apa sih bahasanya?* sama seorang cowok, akhirnya gw bisa move on, dengan orang yang bener2 sayang sama gw *dan sebenernya gw udah suka sama dia dari beberapa taun lalu tapi gak ngomong ke siapa2* :p

dan kita udah jadian selamaaaa... 6 bulan kurang dikit.
*dilempar tomat*

wew? sudah selama itu kah gw gak nulis entri?
terakhir kali gw nulis entri itu soal meme. dan itu pun buat "dia" supaya dia lebih mengenal gw. :3

and, he is sooooooo nice to me. really.
entah kenapa rasanya sama dia itu beda. gw belon pernah ngerasain yang namanya jatuh cinta seperti ini.


aaaaniway~
daripada gw terbang gegara mikirin dia kayak gini mendingan kita move ke topik berikutnya.


selama gw gak nulis entri, banyak hal2 yang berubah.
me change, people change, everythings change. kayaknya gak ada yang kelewat berubah dari idup gw. semua berubah drastis selama hampir setahun ini. *apa udah staon ya?*.

entahlah, tapi gw rindu idup gw di taun lalu...
atau disaat gw masih aktif di NiKu.
atau disaat gw masih kontak2an sama temen2 seperjepangan gw *bahasa gw ngaco
atau disaat gw masih nggak sibuk *nah ini dia.


tapi kawan, yang namanya hidup memang harus berubah dan terus maju. kalo kita diem aja tanpa perubahan apa2, itu namanya kita mati. =w=
yang jadi masalah apakah gw bisa dengan baik menyikapi semua perubahan ini atau nggak. setuja nggak? <<< nggak, ini nggak typo kok.


kalo gw ngebaca entri2 gw sebelonnya, isinya kebanyakan galau dan labil semuanya.
kacau ituu... =A=
gw bacanya agak2 gimanaa gitu. wew, idup gw keliatannya menderita banget setelah baca itu. =A=

blog ini dijadiin tempat curhat2 gak penting.. well~ *usap2 bloggie

tapi kemaren, setelah gw sempet2 ngobrol ama temen gw yang dulu terkenal raja galau *whut?*
dan sekarang dengan suksesnya mengarungi lautan ITB yang sangat kejam *apalah* katanya fase2 galau itu hanya dilewati anak SMA, dan selebihnya? ketika kau jadi mahasiswa, gak akan ada waktu buat galau dan pesimis *ceunah.

iyakah?
well, gak tau sih. gw belon jadi mahasiswa kan? =))
tapi gw sangat berharap kalau fase itu bener2 bakalan lewat gitu aja. ninggalin kenangan yang cukup berharga untuk "ditertawakan" dan "dipelajari".

oh, buat yang gak tau, sekarang gw dah menginjak masa akhir SMA.
beberapa bulan lagi INSYA ALLAH gw mengikuti ujian akhir nasional yang diselenggarakan bulan April. setelah itu gw nunggu pengumuman kelulusan dannnn... bebas.

gak bebas juga sebenernya.
bagi anak SMA, setelah lulus, harus belajar lagi buat SNMPTN kan.

gw dapet sih, jalur undangan. tapi belon tentu lolos juga. kursinya hanya tersedia dikit sekalii, ada yang satuan, belasan, dan puluhan. gak ada yang nyampe ratusan atau diatas lima puluh orang. ;A;


dan akhirnya gw kembali ke cita2 awal gw. jadi seorang guru.
yaa, gw dulu sempet gak mau jadi seorang guru gegara katanya gajinya kecil. tapi gw pikir2, pekerjaan itu bukan soal gaji, tapi kepuasan batin.

daann cita2 ultimate gw..
gw pengen bikin sekolah. ngebantu orang2 secara gratis dan penuh pengabdian.
plus tambahan pahala. itu rasanya cukup sekali untuk menjalani hidup. :3

kalo soal duit... hemm. semoga aja suami gw kelak bisa membantu.. dan semoga aja gw gak hidup dalam kekurangan. >< amiin

karena itu lah, pilihan gw berpindah, dari psikologi ke fakultas bahasa dan sastra indonesia.
gw cukup menyukai sastra. belum sampai tahap cinta, tapi gw suka sastra dan bahasa.
lagian sastra dan bahasa itu katanya paling mudah mengawali karir sebagai pengajar, jadi gw semakin cepet mencapai cita2 gw. Insya Allah... doakan saja kawan. ><


nyeh, mulai bingung gw mau nulis apa. @A@
yasudah lah yaa.. oyasumi. semoga gw gak lupa lagi buat nulis2 entri. heheh. ciaoo~

Our memories.....

sedikit memalukan isinya.
bagi yang ga suka lovey-dovey story, jangan buka lebih jauh.
serius! :(

isinya beneran deh. bikin muntah *kalo buat gw bikin nangis*
jadiii~~ beneraaan!! kalo ga suka jangan bukaa!!
liat judulnya udah cheesy begitu....
oke2??

gw juga malu sendiri nulis ini.....
kayaknya bakal banyak bahasa inggrisnya.
*kalo pake indonesia, aneh :(*

postingan ini buat dia.
setelah ini...
gw akan (mencoba) ikhlas....

i dont know how to start it....

but i will (re)tell u you our memory...

dulu kita ketemu secara ga sengaja.
lo bilang "smp ya? wah gw udah kuliah."
di hari itu gw sadar akan suatu hal.

umur bukan segalanya.

lo ga pernah anggep gw anak kecil saat itu.
perlakuan lo ke gw sama kayak perlakuan lo ke yang lain.
bahkan di saat adik lo ngeremehin gw, lo bela gw.

dan entah kapan dimulainya perasaan itu...

and when the rain fell really hard...
you confessed it to me.
in the shelter, in the middle of forest.
you said that we are lost. I trusted you and began to panicked.

"don't be panic" u said "I'll always beside you..." you patted my head
and, once more... i trusted you...

silent for a while...

and then you said something.
just a simple statement.
"hmmm... i think i like you."

shoot... i'm blushed hard.
just let out a small muttering sound 'me too..'

and you smiled. the sweetest smile i ever seen from you.

"come on~ i lead you the way." you pulled my hand.
"eh? you said you didn't know the way!!" I'm pouted.
an you just grinned.

"so, it made us a couple, then?"
you ask me.

i look at your now blushed face, and just nod. you just grin again.

we did many things together.
we had fun together.
you always tried to meet me when I'm free..

ofc, when you're free too. :)

you're the best boyfriend ever, and you know it.
YOU were proud of it. :))

you bought me coffee every week. "i know you love them better than love me." you stated with a pout. and I just laughed.

you always text-ed me "good nite, dream about me. ^^"
or in the morning "good morning dear... have a nice day. don't think much about me! or you will not focus in your school. study well~ "

such as sweet words *roll-my-eyes*
but its you. ^^

and then something weird happen.
really.
its dangerous for you. and then its dangerous for both of us.

it's when 'he' started to terror me. with text.
and then 'he' confessed to me. and threathened me.
"something bad will happen if you dont accept me. I'm serius"
but i had you already. and i can't accept him!
I... i cant do such a thing. betray you....
I'm really in love with you.

it's like hell for me. I'm scared...
and at first you said "let him be. he wont do anything or hurt me or something...." you smiled.
the smile confident that can make me trust you.
and yeah...

I trusted you...

and then. it's really become worst.
he started to hurt you.

when that happened, you always assured me that nothing wont be worst than those threated condition. you said that you'll be allright
"i'll be survive. let him see how strong i am...".
you throw that confident smile again.
and... i trusted you. as always.

and then the car crash....
with me inside your car.
after 'him' texted you that day. he said "you dont believe that i can do something worst than those?? if you really love her, you wont let her hurt, will you?"

I just got a small bruised in my arm. you too.
and thats the first time i saw a fear in your face.

"it'll bad... it can be worst...."

your trembled voice shivered down my spine..

you took my hand and looked at my eyes... "i cant protect you... i'm failed..."
i'm speechless.. i know its the end....

"sorry..." he said "its... over now... i cant protect you. i'm failed... i cant see him hurting you like this..." and its the first time tears rolled down your cheek..
you repeated that word


sorry... sorry... sorry... sorry... sorry... sorry...

I didn't cried at the time. i dont know what to do. i just stay still... watched those tears rolled down your cheek.

i just said "I will never forget you. promise."
and its when you smiled again...
"me too.... bye..."

....


3,5 years has passed...

as i promised, i never forget you.

just then i meet you again.
in the supermarket, you stood there. watching me.

i'm blinked. shocked.

and you greet me. like our first time meeting. "hi. senior highschool student, aren't you?I'm worked now..."
you smirked.

i just give him a faint smile.
"nice to meet you again" i felt my heart ache.

you just nodded. "it had been a while...."

yeah. a while... which i feel like a century.

"how's live? still single?" i asked you. with some hope in my last question.

you didn't say anything for a moment and look straight to my eyes "actually..... i'm going to married soon...."

i'm frozed. what?

you know i'm shocked and said a fake-cheerful statement "hey! i'm 24 now! what are you expected?"

"uh... yeah. i'm forgot that you're 8 years older than me"

and you blurted out.
"on september. jakarta. 25th. will you come?"

my world going to explode.

i'm shooked my head. "i can't. had been busy lately."

you smile again, the smile that i can't forget forever.
"what a pity..." you said.

i just nodded "yeah..." i wishpered.

"uh... i have to go now.... my mom call me already...." you checked your hand phone.
"wait." i said. "its my blog. open it when you are free..." i wrote my blog address in your phone.

"okay... take care then.... study well~" you pat my head.

felt familiar with that statement....

and you gone... forever...

and few days ago, i post 'koe' lyric, ne?
its for you...

Kaze no machi ni tatazunda mama furimukeba mou hi wa ochite kieteta
hajimaru shizukana yoru wo hitori de mite ita
kimi to itsumo machiawaseta basho wo sakete mada toomawari
machi no akari ga kagayaku tabi ni mata boku wa tachidomaru

[Standing still on a windy town. When I turn around, the sun is already setting.
Looking alone at the night that begins to become silent.
Avoiding the place we always meet, even taking detours.
Each time the town's lamp lights on, it makes me stop.]

murini waratte wasureta furishite mo kimi wo zutto wasurenai

[I laugh forcibly and pretending I've already forgot. I will never forget you.]

thats it..

hope you'll happy ever after... with the luckiest woman in this earth...




ups... one thing.
i still love you. ^^